Monday, March 28, 2011

The Desperate Get Filled

I have to be honest and say its been one of the rougher seasons for me and I am so looking forward to our break in May. It's been a rough ride (literally) :) driving up and down bumpy roads back and forth to Kampala trying to be gracious in the face of persecution, trying to re-file my NGO.

I have been very heart-heavy lately--just fighting exhaustion from all the stress, the traveling, and unending to do lists, and all the holes in the ministry that still need to be filled. We pray for revival, but it seems slow. We pray for laborers for the harvest, but they are few. And in the mornings, I wake up and ask God the question, "Where are you?"

I miss Jesus. And having a friend to talk to. And ice cream. And days when I didn't feel the responsibility of so much upon me.

And I turn to Matthew 5-- "Blessed are those who know their need for God."

Oh how I know my need for Him. Without Him, there is no joy. Without Him, there is no peace. And maybe its ok that I'm here--because I'm desperate and the desperate, get filled.

Every day I am poor, in need of Him. And sometimes I ask Him why we are here. What are we doing here? Because often there is so much to do, I can feel like a failure.

So I go to the Kid's home to feel better. And I get a squeal-filled, hug fest, hanging on Mommy, pulling Mommy's hair out, love tank full-debacle. And I love every minute of it.
I glance over at Anita, one of our newest girls, who just a few weeks ago, I couldn't get a smile out of. I see her now laughing and hanging onto me and getting along with the other girls, and it makes my heart soar.

This is why I'm here. Often the change is slow, and sometimes imperceptible, but every once in a while I get a glimpse of it.

And little hearts getting healed up. And I know why I fight so hard for this thing. And why I will continue to fight for it.

Thanks for fighting with me.

1 comment:

Cara Sexton said...

Thanks for this post. I found you by way of (in)courage and needed to read this today. I'm not in Africa, but I'm serving as a houseparent at a children's home far from home right now, and I'm running into the same question: "Why am I here?" And every day, God answers it in a new way, but its a hard season and it seems barren so much of the time.

I appreciate your words, sister-friend. Thank you for your faithfulness in what you are doing. <3