Tuesday, March 19, 2013
This elusive thing called balance
Sometimes we have to celebrate our victories in our life, no matter how small they might seem.
Like when we say no to a bowl of ice cream. Or hold our tongue from saying that mean word that could wound.
As hard as it is to have grace with ourselves, it's just as important as having grace with others.
Stopping to celebrate our victories is an act of stopping to give thanks.
I realized the other day that often my life feels like a long to-do list and my iphone is full of more apps on keeping my list straight then it is full of pictures. (Even though I love my Clear app) I wish I had more pictures of experiences. Of life.
I'm often more concerned with checking things off my to do list than engaging in real relationships. Or in taking the time to be loving.
To be honest, sometimes I feel guilty when I just "enjoy life."
It's like I don't remember how to do it.
I've been out there on the edge so long listening to rape stories, or trying to figure out how to parent a bunch of growing girls in Africa, or how to successfully run a growing ministry that needs about 100 more me's.....that I don't have time or brain energy to just be----well, happy.
In the last week, I ran a total of 13.5 miles. Which might not seem like much, to all you work-out buffs out there, but it's the farthest I've ever consistently run. I also drank juice smoothies all week. With kale in them. Yeah, that green stuff. I'm going extreme. And it feels great!
This is all part of my new regimen to "get healthy."
Since Africa made me tired....and well, fat. (for all your girls out there thinking that moving to Africa will make you skinny---sorry to break your dreams)
When you can find something edible to eat, it's usually carbs.
Long-term stress also doesn't do a lot for your figure.
This whole health kick started around the time that I stopped wanting to see myself in pictures. You know, that feeling when you realize you haven't been photographed in a while, and then all of a sudden you see yourself, and you're like what!! Is that me? And want to run and hide yourself in a large, oversized potato sack.
Women in their thirties will understand this better.
So I'm trying to establish some balance in my life. Because I'm supposed to be working on taking care of me, and working less hard, and being more well-rounded.
We as women, struggle so hard at this. How to balance being a woman, a job-holder, a wife, a mother, a leader, a friend, being in shape, making a good meal, being a nice person or even a person who occasionally does her hair and remembers to send that birthday card.
And sometimes we can get so busy with "saving the world," that we forget that we actually need saving too.
I know I have a long ways to go, but to be honest, I feel really proud of myself that I've begun. That I've started this journey of health, in ALL areas of my life, and that whether or not I can see the differences yet, I know the resolve is there.
I also wrote two blogs. Walked in the sun. Laughed 'til my sides hurt with a girlfriend. Read a book. Went on a date. And watched the Life of Pi. All in all, I think I'm onto something here.
I'm learning to live.
And learning not to feel bad about it.
And realizing that ultimately true balance comes from being obedient to what God asks us to do. Not responding to needs. Not more. Not less.
And saying goodbye to all the guilt.